Saturday 1st August 2026
Pre-season Friendly – Walton & Hersham (H) 2-1
When I was nineteen, I was working in a shoe shop in Woking by day, and frequenting The Bell (Fetcham) and The Anchor (Bookham) by night. Something I didn’t do was to band together with six friends to buy my local football club for a pound, save it from extinction, then set it up for unprecedented success. I mean, if I had, I’d have remembered, right? Then again, it was the Nineties… But that is what happened at Walton & Hersham in 2019. Seven years on from the famous ‘Teenage Takeover’, they arrive at The Grove as a National League South club, last season’s Southern League Champions. They actually lost at home to Chertsey Town the day they secured the title, but in the grand scheme of things, I don’t imagine they minded that much…
Having won our first five pre-season games, Tanners came into this one off the back of a loss at South Park and a draw with Ashford Town. With the serious stuff starting in just a week’s time, the hope was that we’d see something resembling our strongest line-up on the pitch, a solid performance, and ideally a win to set us up with confidence for the season opener at Ramsgate. And that’s pretty much how it went – in direct contrast to the supposedly superior visitors, Tanners were ‘at it’, looking hungry and energetic, from the off. For balance, the Walton squad did seem to be packed with trialists, but even so, at times they could barely manage to string more than a couple of passes together.
One noticeable new tactic involved our corners. With Nathan on the bench, Harry was taking them, and on more than one occasion, he eschewed the accepted loft-it-into-the-mixer (© Sean Dyche) option, pinging it instead to our trialist number sixteen (I know his name, but protocol forbids me from using it) for a shot from the edge of the box. It didn’t work today, but it might in future. As might ‘it’, if we go back to trying ‘it’. Readers of my book, ‘My Perfect Season With The Tanners’ (I know, I’m shameless – sorry), will know that my mate Joe and I have often “debated the nature of ‘it’. During one game a while back, as the team prepared for a corner, we heard a shout of “Are we doing it!?” from the bench. We have never fully settled on what ‘it’ involves, but we think ‘it’ might be that short corner routine we debuted at Ascot. A low ball is played into Kane at the front post. He spins it to the edge of the box for a waiting colleague to shoot. If that is indeed ‘it’, we have yet to see ‘it’ come off.” I still don’t know if that move is actually ‘it’, but either way, having mentioned him in that extract, this seems like a good opportunity to wish our Captain Fantastic all the best in his ongoing recovery. Get well soon Kane.
Despite a host of chances, it took until first half injury time for the Tanners’ dominance to finally be reflected in the scoreline. While Jim and Richard behind me were critiquing Kell’s Kitchen’s award-winning wings (the secret, I learned, is in the perfect balance of vinegar for piquancy, and chilli for heat. Have you read any other match reports that include the word ‘piquancy’? No, I didn’t think so…), Tanners could have been out of sight before James ‘Dicko’ Dickson made it 1-0. Charlie swung in a looping cross from the left. Unmarked at the back post, Dicko hooked it goalwards. Jacob was arriving on the line to make sure, but it was already over.
Halftime – Tanners 1, Walton & Hersham 0.
Having made his first visit to The Grove last weekend, my friend Neil also made it to this match, accompanied by his son, Dan, who was over from Dubai. I told you Neil, this is how it begins – before you know it, you’ll be going home and away, and writing books and match reports… Against Ashford, Neil had enthused about Charlie’s marauding runs down the left, so he was as disappointed as the rest of the four hundred and seventy in attendance when our fearless left back came out worst in a fifty-fifty challenge just a minute into the second half. After a period of on-pitch treatment, Charlie limped away to be replaced by Bobby. I’m told Charlie will be OK for next week…
Harry had fired one narrowly over before he got the goal his man-of-the-match display deserved on fifty-four minutes. Dicko did exceptionally well to square a header back across goal following Louie’s angled cross-field ball. It was partially cleared, but only as far as the lurking ‘H’, who pounced to steer it in for the Tanners’ second via the base of the post. Thereafter, Tanners chances (and substitutions) came with a regularity that bodes well for next weekend and beyond. What a luxury it is to be able to introduce players like Nathan and Marcel from the bench – both featured strongly in their cameos, and on sixty-one minutes, the latter almost turned in the former’s wicked in-swinging cross. Further exemplifying the strength in depth, Anas replaced Mark on sixty-five minutes. It was great to see both back after their respective games out.
Marcel almost got his name on the scoresheet on seventy minutes. Harry stood up an inviting cross for him at the back, but he almost went up too early, and his header kissed the post instead of ravaging the net. Nathan, finding himself clear on the left in the box seven minutes later after a misplaced defensive header, chose to cross low rather than shoot. On eighty-one minutes, another good chance went begging when Marcel fed Anas in down the right channel. The shot though was snatched, and it went over. Both were the type of chance you’d imagine those players will be burying in a month or so once the sharpness kicks in…
On eighty-four minutes, Walton grabbed a consolation. Our emergency keeper for the day (again, protocol dictates that he cannot be named) hadn’t had a save to make, and there wasn’t much he could do to prevent the goal. A neat bit of play on the left of our box between Thabo Kuaho and a pair of trialists ended with a low cross into the centre for another trialist to convert from close range. It was all too little too late though – as narrow as the final scoreline was, it didn’t tell the story of a match that Tanners dominated from start to finish. File under ‘good run out for the lads’…
Fulltime – Tanners 2, Walton & Hersham 1.
As intimated above, I’m pretty certain that was not a vintage Walton and Hersham side on view today, but equally, they are Step Two, and you’d expect even their trialists to reflect that. In much the same way that Dorking won’t have wanted to leave on the end of a defeat the other week, I’m sure the same will have been true here. For our part, today we looked much more like the champions we are, and I can imagine that Ian will have been pleased with what he saw. That’s a wrap for pre-season – next week, we’re playing for points at Ramsgate. I, for one, cannot wait. See you there – COYT!
